Saturday, February 3, 2007

Hack Theory

A GUIDE TO ETHICAL “HACKS’-HOT ANDHRA CHICKS

PREFACE:

This is a story of a first yearite at BITS,Pilani-Goa Campus and about the horrors he faced in the campus during his first semester @ the institute……..

Guyz and galz be patient I m not taking about the mess(which in itself is a complete mess) nor I m talking about some academic and authorities stuff, its something different then that which I hope u must also have experienced in the campus…So be cool and chill….

And I’ll also like to add that this article is completely unofficial and it does not promote regionalism because we at BITS stand united and will continue that forever and neither it tends to divide people on basis of colour.

So u can go ahead and have a crunch of what I just wrote one night…….

R

eally speaking I was a bit happy when I got the call from BITS, Pilani to join the Goa Campus but as I was at the age of seventeen and as other studious guyz thought that it would be great to join the institution but was unknown of the facts which were still to be revealed about the campus, which u as a reader will definitely know about after reading this article of mine. Since I m a student and had a minimum score in ENGLISH in BITSAT u can’t expect the best of the literature from me, so guyz and galz be patient at all the mistakes because I m sure u would be knowing the pain it takes to do something different @BITS.

A

tlast I reached the campus and it ended my journey which was a pretty long one, actually before that I have never ever in my life encountered a journey of more then 200 kms in my life but this time as time was changing for me and destiny had something else ensured for me, it was a journey 10 times than that. At the first glance, all the people stared at the campus as if it was a wonder on earth and parents chattering that their wards have a good destiny that they will spend the four most important years of their life here, but everybody, mainly the students were unaware of something special in store for them. Then after the hostels getting allotted and the rest of official stuff, which is an integral part of BITS, the authorities here do a very little work but when they do they it in a official manner.

“V

ery hungry”, I said to my dad after putting the luggage in my room which was nothing less then a hotel room as compared to the rooms people get at IIT”S and our FATHER Campus-‘BITS, Pilani’. To add more luxury they even provided us with no room partner, this was because may be in the future we have to face many problems in the campus therefore they provided us with some sort of mental peace which we can achieve after a hectic schedule at BITS, which in future would turn out for the students “BITS-Birla Institute Of Test Series’.

Father said “Ok Lets go and check out the Breakfast”, and den we entered the den of Aatish or the mess of BPGC.

Aatish is one man in BPGC I think who has more power then our DIRECTOR, because the campus authorities can’t find a better mess contractor in the entire span of two years. I won’t speak of his food because I know that it is not being liked by anyone in the institute. As soon as I entered the mess, the surprise was now over because then I saw the most unreal species present on earth today. Ya they were the most infamous and unpopular among BITSians “THE HACKS - HOT ANDHRA CHICKS”

Since I was only seventeen at that age and the visions of those species were meant only for people above 18,I was a bit stuck at that moment,but regaining my balance I finally landed on a table with some south Indian dish in my plate.It was the first time I was eating south Indian in breakfast,I believe all the north indies wud hv felt like me at that moment,To add more salt to the wounds my father said”Son,now I think u are in a good place,see the girls here they are so simple with no fashion at all, unlike other colleges”

And I was thinking yuck where am I,the best thing which a guy thinks about a college is the galz nd here I am ,where it was even difficult at times to guess who among those galz were really galz And yes the one thing that dad said was good for me ,that these galz didn’t do fashion and make up at all because if they wud have done that it wud be even more horrifying for us to handle that.

Then while I was eating under amazement or horror or a mixture of both,I tried to get a better view of these amazing species which can only be found in BITS nd not any other local college of India.

E

xclusive as these galz,(sorry to all those people who still believe that some members of the hack community can”t be given the title of girls,bcoz they are really different from the actual galz on earth even when tried to view from at every angle possible in mathematical geometry) are the dresses they wore are also exclusive ,which I used to see in the wardrobe of my grandma during my childhood. If I am rite they all wore some silk clothes with the heaviest of the jari work on it, which in most parts of world have become extinct like the dinosaurs on earth. Thanks to a friend of mine I came to know that dese clothings are pretty heavy in terms of weight, But it was not a problem for these species because I hope that they might be even using these clothings to shape their muscles.

And then something happened which I can’t forget in my life. At a table next to me there was a guy sitting with his mom and eating and seeing the lunch as if he had seen it for the first time probably he was also terrified with the streaming horror in front of his eyes.

To make matters worse, some female occupied a place in front of him, she was wearing some heavy Indian dress and was at first glance a complete horror like “a pic from evil dead, a pretty horrifying movie” As to introduce themselves the boy’s mom asked “madam where is your ward” meaning “where is the student?”. You can’t believe what the reply was because at that time even I didn’t. She replied” I m the only ward here” meaning “she is the student here”. That reply uprooted me from my seat and my memory from my mind for a second. That was more then enough for a seventeen year old therefore I decided to get back to my room and relax after a terrifying breakfast.

M

an O” Man, it was my first day at the college attending classes and what more my first class was a WORKSHOP practical which in itself is a torture for the students not because of the hard work they have to do in practical but because of some stupid instructors or lab assistants there, which at any doubt of yours make the same face as if u have asked the question”sir,how many stars are there in the universe”, they are equally amazed at every doubt as if we would b amazed if some aliens visit our planet and the other reason was that students in these workshop practical receive these “HACKS” as their partners which is a big deal to handle, therefore Its my advice to all the readers, that pray to god before your partners getting chose in those practical

Returning back to my first class, I was a bit lucky not to get that partner but the destiny of a friend of mine received a fatal blow when he got a “HACK XP VERSION” as his partner, we gave her that name as WIN XP was exclusive and a masterpiece as this gal (sorry again) was also exclusive among those species.

To tell u people, I in my life had never seen such a body, I mean such a black body. I wonder what were our profs telling us that “lump black” is the blackest body on earth, I m sure the physicists that established that fact were dead by the time she was born on earth, otherwise that “lump black’ would have been out shown by her beauty.

So readers, now I’ll tell u how come the idea of writing this article struck me. Actually u all must be thinking that this guy had written these things just for fun but contrary to that actually this article has been written by me as a social welfare, which u will know shortly.

Z

zzzzzz,Hmmmm.oh Sorry for that,. its well past midnite while I m writing this article.Returning to the social welfare part, all the readers(all those who study in BITS And also who live on this planet), are unaware of the serious threat these species of BITS pose to the human existence on this planet.

These species in general with a few exceptions (which are generally due to some genotype malfunctioning) are black as “earth wud be on dooms day”or hell.So guyz as PHYSICS is the subject which I like the most, I with the help of some of my frendz conducted some experiments which showed results that are potentialy hazardous for the whole earth.The results reflected that due to the extensive black colour of these species, BITS,PILANI GOA CAMPUS had a considerable increase in accelearation due to gravity values and when we got into more details,the results showed that if such things goes on, BITS GOA can act as as a small black hole in the “MILKY WAY OR AAKASH GANGA” and due to high values of gravity here all the small comets wud start crashing into earth and which cud result in the end of humans on this planet.

The above theory mite also be helpful to all the geologists who are in search of the answer that how and why the dinosaurs become extinct suddenly,bcoz I think that some of these species found in BITS have faces and structures of small dinosaurs which ultimately shows that these species wud have been there at the time of dinosaurs and due to some genetic inheritance they r still somewat similar to dinosaurs.So guyz all those people who do not study in BITS beaware of these species.

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o what r u people thinking this is the only threat that these species pose to u,then u are wrong again bcause these are much dangerous den wat u can ever wonder of????.Have u ever heard of “GLOBAL WARMING” I hope we all are qualified enough to know about it, but in coming future courtesy to these “HACKS”,the students will study of another warming in their junior high school sessions which will be known as the “HACK WARMING”

Owing to their colour dese species absorb a great amount of radiational energy incident on them during the day when the sun is overhead and during the night all dese black beauties radiate this energy into the atmosphere thereby increasing the temperature of the surroundings.Have u ever seen wats the temperature in nights inside the campus premises????,if u have not then plz check out and then u will come to know why there is a slight difference in the maximum and the minimum temperature here……….,and for all the upcoming geologists in the campus,the author of this article has already sent this theory of his to The INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE ON GEOLOGY which is to be held in MEXICO dis year,hoping that those people there find a solution to it.

I hopethat due to this hack warming affect we have been provided with A.C classrooms and LT”S,who knows the profs have discovered this earlier than us.Now these species are helping the campus in a very fruitful way…….,wanna know about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey have u people ever seen the shopping complex grossery shop”s section where all the after shave lotions nd stuffs are kept,u all must be amazed as I was becoz in that section it is difficult to find a “Razor” for urself and whenever u ask the vendor why are these all out of stock,he has no answer to it perhaps he”s a bit confused too.

Now the reason is that these species use the razors like an ordinary guy does ,that’s why u can see them with mustaches and at times a slim beared across their faces which cud make any guy jealous that “how isthat gal having a beared more prominent then him”.It at times makes the guys a bit disheartened but for all those guyz I have a good news becoz these gals by using those razors are providing us with a new PS station here in goa itself.Many razor making companies are ready to make razors for such species by conducting tests nd stuffs on them and in turn these companies are providing the campus with a new PS station and even a research station.So guys pleez bare with these species they can be helpful to u in some wayz……..

These species can also be helpful for the field of medicine and ENT doctors…….

There is a frend of mine who suffered from “night blindness”,I hope u all wud be familiar wid this disease and the afteraffects of this disease specialy to married guyzz who in the night just try their experience to target something…….

Returning back to my frend,he was a severe pataeint of that disease but the day he entered the campus his eyesight started to improve in the night and when I came to knw dis gud news I asked him wat was the reason behind the sudden recovery then he said that for the past few months,for a hour or two daily he used to see these species in the night and try to focus on them and tried to detect every moment of them,which was a very difficult thing becoz during night its very difficult to detect these species untill and unless theu are wearing white reebok shoes or have their deadly smiles on their faces…After practicing that, he recovered and the doctors were amazed at such a recovery decided to usethat therapy in future,I hope eye docs will now be recruiting more and more nurses from kerala,but I think these species will do the best and hence the campus receives more placement………..

Guyz but these species are not making us feel horrified alone but the galz also(who are not the part oh hack community),u can think how pathetic it wud be for all of us to be awake in a jungle full of bears and other wild animals every day(it’s the galz hostel I m takin about) and also for the gals who compete physically with dese pseudo males on planet.So pleez bare with all the galz who are not the part of the hack community.

D

ear frendz I hope u all liked this small effort I made to xpose the danger and horror we all BITSIANS live under and also I think that this article will act as a booster for starting researches at our campus and soon we will be providing researches not in the field of “technology” but also in the field of “geology’ and “environmental sceinces’ as we have both the potential as well as research objects to research on……..

I

f u wanna know who wrote dis article in the midst of a boring night in the campus,then guyz and galz just scroll up and link all the first bold alphabets in the entire article and u will get my YAHOO.CO.IN e-mail id(Yaaa it’s a bit weared to have such an ID but only god and a frend of mine knows why I created such an ID) ,so mail ur opinions to me on that and if u have anything special which happened to u concerned with these species,u can mailthat also ,I will be waiting for them..……

“N

EVER SAY NO TO ANY THING BECAUSE U NEVER NO WATS AHEAD IN IT”

NOTE TO READER”S:

Hey I cud have added some pics of these species in this article of mine to give a clear picture to anyone who till now have never encountered wid dese species but I have not done so just becoz of the fact that then this article wud have created havoc on earth if people under 18(mainly small childrens) wud have seen those pics,if some1 above 18 want to have a glance of dese species,they can contact me but still I recommend that pleez don’t do so because I have seen people in hallucination for dayz after seeing those images……..

So don’t try dis “AT HOME”