Wednesday, December 3, 2008
There are many times i have jus written utterly wild thoughts some of which don't even connect back to give them a meaning,to be true since many days i have blogged only when i felt like lets throw some shit out & feel a bit better.Hence,all the crappy posts with not much meaning attached to them.
Today i felt like writting something not out of vain,not out of joy but something else which i can't define,some might call it satisfaction,some might call it joy,some happyness but for me its a state of _________ , i don't know wat it is but i feel like im not the guy i used to be,things have changed & they changed for the good perhaps.
My anger has gone down from what it used to be,patience which was one trait was nowhere found in me is slowly developing.The carefree atitude is still there but with certain suttleness.
I have started enjoying the small small things in life rather than running & crying for the BIG things.I have even found joy in electronics,something which i din use to like. since it has more hardwork. & Can say now after seeing both sides,This side has got much tougher terrain.
I am not a workaholic anymore,i think of other things too,care for her too.Some new dimensions have arrived in my world & its adjusting itself without any pain/regression.
I have left words like "I" & started using words like "We".I fight less with people.I end debates or casually smile or walk away from the debate rather than fighting on & on knowing that i am wrong jus becoz i am adamant.
I smile more than i used to though i crack less jokes on others becoz thats something i used to do so that i can think i am not the only one whos a joke in this world.
Monetary things never intrested me & they don't still.I am less afraid of failure,to be true in a way i am not seeing something as a failure,it mite be just another way of reaching success.
Success, this word has completely changed its meaning for me becoz success is not dependent on ONE single thing now,it has its own attributes & each one of it gives equal satisfaction.
Its like i am becoming more of a person,i always saw in others.
It makes me feel i am loosing my identity, but than theres a satisfying possibility of rediscovering yourself for the good of you & others around you.
I have never been so alone & i have never been supported so much.Its a mix of both.
She has been there everytime to listen to watever i have to say & then not telling me to compete with the world if i have failed.
With her,i feel i don't have to fight anymore to prove myself becoz she dsnt want me to prove anything.It feels good to know somebody,who does'nt ask for something before giving.
People fight,we fight too, perhaps more than the normal mark,but than both of us know they are out of our differences in personality & not out of anything else.
Mayb all the above is finding solace,if it is than i can say its after a very long dull grey period & the credit goes to her.